It’s one of the most analysed, talked about and experienced subjects that strikes every single human being on this planet. Even with the increasing human knowledge we are still grappling to understand it and we have got no clue what it is.
Having proven to be a matter of the heart, our heart chambers cannot help but yearn for it. Many aspects of this enacted-emotion continue to be shrouded by mystery. Victims- yes, though not an illness, the smitten become sick- continue to be under its mercy when it sweeps them off their feet. Rendering them weak and vulnerable. You can roll your eyes at me- because even Google did when I went searching for the word- but what is love? How difficult is it for us to find and maintain it? Many have tried to describe it but no one seems to capture it perfectly-it is like an amoeba. And neither do I seek to define it.
George Burns described it as something like a backache- it does not show up on x-rays, but you know it is there. Love is known to possess the ability to heal, soothe and even bring joy. But can it also be used to do exactly the opposite? Some of its unfortunate practitioners have implanted on each other permanent scars and bruises. All behind its mask.
It has been alleged that love expresses itself in action. That what we feel is reflected in what we do. It is known to be blind in nature and so it intoxicates its patients with blindness. This way, they are unable to differentiate the randomly and loosely connected reality from it. Hearts have been broken, traumatised and left to freeze with cold fear of love. Because they believe that hurt is part of romantic relationship packages.
A colossal amount of what we call love is turning out to be nothing but just fish love: taking the fish out of water to boil and eating it – just because we love fish. We do not love fish. We love ourselves. We look at handsome and well edited women and see people who can provide us with our physical and emotional needs. Looking out for our own needs. Not love for each other. Nothing but objects of gratification to each other.
Maybe we can change the direction of the bed and look at three ways of how we are not getting it, and when we get it we end up getting it all wrong.
We are founding it on romance rather than respect. Romantic feelings are always in flux and are like the weather- always changing. You will not remain lost in his or her eyes for twenty thirty years. The initial chemistry goes down with time, but respect for each other and for each other’s personality does not die down with time. It’s therefore the respect and not the romance that becomes the foundation of our feelings whose nature can be like that of a virus.
We care but not dare. The two entities do not exist as separate but as a blend. We are daring not to stand up and accept each other completely despite the shortcomings. There is an urge from each other to be instagram-perfect all the time. We are not willing to embrace the fact that whoever we first got attracted to can, will and should change. There exists no bravery to have the complete rose flower package.
A lot of unnecessary pressure. There is a substantial amount of pressure on what a partner should be- from being a lover to being the closest relative. Without the ability to be yourself and express the quirky dark beautiful sides of your nature, love suffocates and evaporates faster than methylated spirit. We do not need to feel pressured to add a laughing or love emoji at the end of every single text message. We need to feel comfortable enough to share our feelings and thoughts without trying to neutralise them with filler phrases like “hahaha” or “lol”.
The nutshell of love can or cannot be cracked. It depends on which door you use and the expectations. Otherwise many of its aspects will continue to be an unresolved mystery. Its definition will keep varying since our experiences with it are all so intense and unique.
Better still, what if it is not meant to be defined, but felt- just like the wind. A form of vibration. A special kind of pitch. A form of energy that affects us when its oscillating waves combine with our heartbeat waves. Creating a standing wave of goosebumps, craziness and stupefied infatuation. And when one wave falls out synchronisation fails, it leads to unrequited love. Which like half a loaf of bread, grows hard and mouldy sooner. The best we can do is to change the environment and not the flower when it fails to bloom.