Being an adult simply means that you have had an encounter with pain at one point in your life. Pain is personal, you are the one that understands yours most. You have lived it, felt it, eaten it and even breathed it. The sting of it is almost all too fresh. The wounds even though they may or not have healed are areas where we don’t appreciate people touching or coming too close because we have usually created our own wall of protection. It’s a survival technique that helps us cope with what is happening around us.
The people who hurt us are the ones we love and those that we don’t expect. The reason why it hurts in the first place is because we had placed them in a good space in our hearts, only for them to turn back and sting us because they have taken their time to know us, they know perfectly well where it would hurt the most. Preys don’t only exist in the animal kingdom, humans are also a dangerous and intelligent species, pouncing on you when you least expect it.
This makes me wonder how smart the devil is. The father of lies and he does come up with some luring ideas, smart enough to trap distracted people. We are such a distracted population. Too much information may perhaps mean no knowledge base. We sleep with our phones in our beds, we go through all social media feeds before sleep and upon waking up. Notifications and likes give us a high yet we like to call other people addicts when we are addicted to our phones. Perhaps it is an escape from the realities that are in our present life.
Phones aside, we have TV, well TV is no longer the new kid, Netflix is, hours upon hours of what I would like to call escape. Escape from our not so interesting realities that we would rather place at the back of our minds. Being true would mean surfacing our true selves and retrieving the person in us that we have literally packed and placed away. I could literally get myself distracted the whole day and this is exactly how we tend to treat pain. It is difficult to face head on. We choose to hide it, put it somewhere at the back of our heads.
It is unfathomable, some of the things that happen to us are barbaric. Guess who does them though, our fellow human beings who have allowed Satan to manipulatively use them. Heinous acts perpetuated by people who smile on your face, call you friend, call you family. If you were asked to name people who got your back, they would be on the list. You never see it coming.
One of these wolves had come after someone I love, none of us saw it coming. The pot of bad news erupted right in-front of our eyes. I was angry, I was torn, asked very many questions. Born first and a fighter, I felt a strong duty to protect the person I love. To fight back, push back, it didn’t matter how, words, perhaps would have been the best weapon I had. Ready was I, even for a physical encounter if it indeed came down to that. Remember Jacob wrestling with the Angel.
Well of-course I would be praying to God for muscles because I not Samson, I am a small girl but with a big God inside of me, I was ready to go to war. David and Goliath kind of style. This was one of those situations. I was set to war with whatever that was in my vicinity. I always thought I was a calm person but alas! We can all get pushed to the edge.
Aș I prepared to war, I was seated in the car one day and God said clearly “Vengeance belongs to me.” You know those moments when you are like, wait a minute God, people will think I am weak, I can’t keep quiet now. The devil will think he has worn. You need to give me the strength to go to this battle . I can’t back down now, I have a strategy or so I think. My loved one will think I don’t love them enough, it is not a time to hold back God, I said to Him.
God wins. But I couldn’t help but think , “They are going to think I am a coward that I am weak and can’t even defend my own.” “You have got to trust me,” God said. “I fight better, you watch and see!” I battled with but God, “Maybe you are just going to forgive them and let them go free after all the hurt they have inflicted on us.”
Nonetheless, He assuredly told me to leave it on Him. Was it easy to let go? No, I fought it! Was it worth it? I don’t know either. Did it save me from a mental breakdown? Yes. Letting things go and into God’s hands is not easy when we believe so much in our own abilities and power to fix things up. When we recognise we are insufficient and unreliable, then we can look at the one who is able to complete and work for us. The God of Vengeance.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but [rather] give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance [is] mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
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