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Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband

Well, should we start with a hi? Or should we start by asking where are you? And what is taking you so long? Don’t you have the balls, are you scared? Am I making you feel things that you want to remain buried? Maybe you should let me in on what’s happening because I clearly seem to have no clue.

Sometimes I think I know who you are, well with the help of God of course. Some other times I am just like, God, I don’t think he is the one, he can’t be the one. Running crazy asking God for a sign. I think God got tired of sending me signs because I haven’t received any of late.

I didn’t bring any of these on myself. I woke up one day and couldn’t shake off the thought of being with you, of having our kids, a home, of doing good in the society together, of sleeping together.

Dreaming have I dreamt, fantasies have I fantasized, yes of how our first night together will be, and how the other nights after that will be. The inseparability, almost like an addiction. The transitioning from shyness to zero chills regards anything about each other.

I think to some point I will gross you out, maybe you will gross me out too. The unplanned drives to nowhere, only the two of us. You can imagine what will be happening in the car and the numerous stopovers we will have to make to devour each other because well, we both can’t seem to get our hands off each other.

Lots of places will hold lots of our secrets. Our car may probably hold the most, but I am definitely sure that your office will too. I have a feeling you will take me to the village many times. I love the village but I love luxury too and a good life.

Your mom will probably not like me at first but don’t worry with time she will fall in love with me too. I secretly know that you are her favorite son. Please don’t make me cook with firewood because I don’t want to regret marrying you in that kitchen. I promise to try and cover up well when we are going to your village. But, I also promise to make it easy for you when we need to, you know, and I know this will happen countless times because we never seem to get enough of each other. Bone of my bone and Flesh of my flesh sort of thing you know.

I know you will be the protective type, the one that wants to provide, protect. I will allow you to protect me, I will allow you to be the man you want to be in our house. You know why? Because I trust you, I trust in your love for me, I trust in every judgement you will make that will concern you, me or our kids.

When you are scared I will hug you. Well I will hug you one million times because I love hugs, I love touch. I will enjoy being lost in your arms because your cuddles will engulf me. You are taller than me, well I hope, and hugging you will mean I reach out, which is the best part of it. I will make many tiptoes to reach you. Wait, this is beginning to sound like a fairytale, haha. Your will be my tall fairy.

Going back to hugs, I will hug you even more when you are overwhelmed, when you have made some bad business mistakes, or simply had a long day. I will be your go to girl!

No pressure btw, don’t get sucked in into my fantasy world, as you can see it is very rich, probably more than you had imagined, and guess what, there is more, I am just getting shy and I feel I am exposing myself too much already…..I will let you in on the rest someday, one day.

Let’s be serious though, don’t you know who I am? Because I just don’t get why it’s taking you so much time. My emotions are everywhere. My fantasies are getting deeper and my desire for you is growing stronger with every single day. Somedays I just don’t have the patience anymore. Do you feel the same? How do you handle the emotions?

My emotions are not getting any silent. You should come already.

There have been days when I am completely lost and figured maybe you will never find me. Dark days of crying and nursing what felt or feels like a heart longing that is almost a heart ache. I have cried, yes imagine, lots of tears and stared into the blank space, simply whispering to God to help me because this smart courageous girl didn’t know how to handle things.

Your inconsistency throws me off. I don’t know how not to communicate, I think I may even be an over-communicator and I wish you were too because at least I would get to be in your space and understand what’s going on.

You have lied and I don’t blame you, , I ask myself what could I have possibly done to make you think you need to hide the truth from me? You think I cannot handle the truth? Well try me! Even if it meant that me and you are no longer headed anywhere, of course it would break me, it would kill me to say goodbye but trust me, a goodbye is better than a bed of lies. I want to be free in the truth, whatever it is and whatever it takes.

It is indeed a rollercoaster of emotions with you. However, I still want you to find me.

Before I embarrass myself even further, I am out, Stay safe, Stay healthy, Stay Happy and most of all Stay Prayed Up! 

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